Her Story and Genesis 50:20

In my last post, I shared that during my first week away at college, I was required to attend a freshmen convocation, which ended up being a speaker named Katie Koestner.  Her bravery was life changing for me. 

Katie Koestner 
Read a great, quick, overview of her here!  She was so influential in even bringing the term "date rape" to light, and if there's nothing else I take away from her, it's this...

While I was still in college, I started going to high schools and telling young people about what happened to me to try to save them from going through what I had. Then I just felt like I couldn't stop and I've kept going these past 25 years.

You should see their tears. They hug you, they write notes, they tell their secrets and that is all worth it. Every time I make myself tell my story, there are 10, 20, 30 more stories that are told.

I tell young people that they are the generation that can change the conversation. It must be, "I am never too important to ask for someone else's consent," and, "I must always expect respect from everyone I am with," so expect respect and ask for consent.

That was me.  I was one of those girls with the tears.  I was one of the girls that wrote her a letter, sharing my secret.  I never imagined I was just one of many, and although perhaps I wasn't ready to change the conversation out loud at the time, I was ready to change it in my head, and now here I am many, many years later ready to change it out loud as well.  

She's right though, in that for so long people have typically thought of rape as a woman attacked in a dark alley late at night by some total stranger dressed all in black.  And while that happens as well, and would be an absolutely terrifying and horrible event, date/acquaintance rape is happening at a much higher rate and the statistics are staggering.  By the age of 18, 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted.  Anyone reading this can think of a small handful of women they know and quickly figure the odds.  The thing about this particular type of sexual assault is that not only have you lost trust in another person, but you've also lost some trust in yourself.  The therapist I'm currently seeing helped me make this connection, and I really found it powerful.  When someone you know and thought you trusted breaks that for you on such an intimate and deep level, you question your own judgement.  "How did I let my guard down or trust someone like that?"  "What does that say about me??"  Questions I still struggle with to be honest.  

The night I posted my original blog post, I did so with a knot in my stomach.  It was completely me stepping out in faith with the nudging that someone, somewhere was meant to hear it.  It was meant to free me, in some way, from beginning to stop hiding this.  It was meant to be one step in the direction of rediscovering my worth, letting go of some shame, and praying that someone else needed me to step out and remind them they are not alone.  I won't lie....it took a little liquid courage to push that "publish" button.  I even woke up in a panic that night scared that I had said too much, and needed to take it down.  The results though, to me, were completely reassuring that God is stirring something deep inside and it's not to be ignored.  Their stories are not mine to tell, but I was quickly faced with the obvious realization, that I am not alone in this.  There are others, and I'm sure for each one that did reach out to me, there are several more that did not.  People are hurting and carrying a burden that was not ever meant to be theirs to be carried.  I am figuring this all out one step at a time.  I'm often weak and feel so far from brave myself, but if me sharing the ugly secrets of this can help one other person rediscover their worth and their relationship with God, and just remind them that they are not alone, then it will all be worth it.